Have you ever had a conversation, maybe with your co-worker or a friend, and they’ve been a bit abrupt? And you’ve thought afterwards, “what was that about? Are they annoyed at me?” We can get swept away by that anxiety or anger and not see what’s really going on.
You might go down one of two routes — get anxious that they’re upset with you and think of everything that that you might have done that they could have taken offense to, or maybe you get annoyed and you confront them, throwing a coin or two into the swear jar on the way out.
We can choose to take a step back and not get swept away by our immediate reaction notice the thoughts arising and listen to what they have to say. Then breathe and allow the thought to pass. Notice what feelings you have attached to them. You can sit with them for a few moments like you would if you were sitting with a friend.
Then we can become aware of what judgements we’re making. We might be judging our co-worker for being abrupt, we might think “what an asshole”, especially if we don’t know them well. We might be judging ourselves, thinking that we did something to set them off. Maybe we wish it hadn’t happened and try and shut it out of our minds, or maybe you obsess about the incident.
However, we can simply notice the behaviour and notice our reaction to it. Doing this will lead to what is almost certainly the right question: “what’s going on with them?” In all likelihood they may not even be aware of how they’re coming across to you. So you can give them a bit of space and then ask “hey, what’s going on with you?” They’ll probably be grateful for the opportunity to talk.
Of course some people will continue to be rude and abrupt, some people might be rude and abrupt with everyone all the time. Make sure your compassion and understanding isn’t reaching the point where your wellbeing is being harmed. Nothing is more important than your peace.
Listen to the Mindfulness for Beginners podcast for more
